Some Bunny Loves You!

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No matter how hard I try and convince myself or others that the Easter bunny is cute, the truth is, he’s not. Don’t fight this people, just accept the fact that the Easter bunny is one creepy-borderline-insane-looking holiday character brought to life every year in malls across the United States. No matter where you are geographically, the Easter bunny costumes are just rendered to provoke horror rather than joy! Every year I have visions of an adorable, fury cadbury bunny hopping around the hills of a park hiding beautifully painted Easter eggs for all the little boys and girls to find while wearing seersucker suits and pastel dresses. You know, a Martha Stewart Easter vignette that makes you want to rewatch the ending of Steel Magnolias over and over again. I mean, that’s the way Easter should be, right? Unfortunately, the harsh reality sets in and my illusions are instantly pulverized when I find myself stumbling upon a grown man with prison tattoos wearing an Easter bunny suit taking a cigarette break and generally snarling at anyone who dares to gaze in his direction longer than five seconds while walking through a mall, a department store or a nursery. “Get lost kid, I’m on a cigarette break” is what he’ll say to some snott-nosed kid right before taking a swig of rubbing alcohol mixed with whiskey from a flask neatly hidden between the folds of his fury white pants! OK, maybe that’s the John Waters in me speaking but seriously, I have yet to encounter an Easter bunny costume that actually looks cute, have you?

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Anyway, I thought it would be a great idea to bring Mamma Biscuit in for some awkward portraits with a creepy Easter bunny to celebrate the betrayal, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In fact, I kept repeating, “he died for your sins, the Easter bunny died for your sins” to Mamma as she sat timidly on his lap while taking these photographs! She didn’t care nor did she have enough courage to actually look up at the Easter bunny’s morphine-addicted eyes and pedophile-style grin. She focused primarily on the soft chew peanut butter treats dangling in front of the lens of my camera and once again, I got my shots! Want to know where this Easter bunny resides? That would be The Dees’ Nursery & Florist out in Oceanside, Long Island. These are the same folks we visit every year on Black Friday for portraits of Mamma Biscuit with Santa Claus. You all should have seen how excited I was when I learned that the Easter bunny was available at Dees’ to make children all across Long Island scream from pure horror! It just tickles me to know that there are parents out there that want to traumatize their children as much as I did Mamma Biscuit for these Easter portraits!

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Mamma Biscuit was wearing her fabulous new Easter frock for our visit with the Easter bunny. A wallpaper of pink, orange and yellow flowers on this ruffled dress paired with giant pearls all conspired to make Mamma Biscuit the fashion plate at Dees’. In fact, Mamma plans on wearing this same exact dress during the Last Supper and she intends on tipping Jesus off on whom will betray him—and that would be a haggard and slightly overweight Lady Gaga singing Judas at the far side of the table.

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Mamma of course will be sitting right beside our Savior and Madonna (no, not his mother, the other one who insist on thrusting her vagina in our faces while singing Like a Virgin) along with Mary Magdalene (another slut) and St. John—cough, cough, that would be me! Here are some portraits we took of Mamma Biscuit in her fabulous Spring frock outside after our meet-and-greet with Mr. Easter bunny.

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Now onto the most important aspect of the Easter holiday, Mamma’s annual Easter tree! You’ve been waiting all year for this and the time has finally come. Mamma’s tree stands in our living room corner in all of its Easter glory bringing us a much needed Springtime cheer in the never-ending Winter we’ve been having.

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Created with several bushels of pussy willows, aquamarine colored eggs piled at the bottom of the vase for aesthetic support and trimmed with vintage hand cut paper ornaments, cracked eggs, glass birds and paper carrots—this display is one giant Easter extravaganza!

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I’m always amazed at how good Mamma Biscuit is about not bumping into any display we put up in the home with her stout frame—Christmas must have taught her a thing or two about maneuvering around home decor within our living environment, that’s for sure!

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The Pug Palace would not be complete during any Holiday without some cute and adorable vintage pieces scattered about!

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So that’s it folks. The Biscuit family would like to wish you all a very Hoppy Easter. Hopefully, Spring will show up soon—at least two weeks before Autumn arrives!

Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Holiday, Vintage | 10 Comments

A Twist of Lime . . . and Pineapple!

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A sliver of Spring crept into our weekend here in NYC and Mamma Biscuit took the opportunity to prance around Fort Tryon Park on Saturday wearing one of her new Spring frocks. It’s been a long and exhaustive Winter to say the least and although we are not fully out of the woods yet, it was nice to have just one day where the sun was shining and a light jacket was all you needed to walk around outdoors in. So we suited our little gremlin up in her lime green sun dress, accessorized it with a fabulous pineapple brooch and hit the park for some quality outdoor Mamma time!

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You all should have seen how happy (and sassy I might add) Mamma looked while strutting herself around the park. I think just being outdoors for longer than ten minutes was enough to make her the happiest little puglet alive. It also helped that she spent her Saturday morning at the beauty parlor getting groomed for the upcoming Easter holiday. Whenever she comes back from the doggy salon, her fur is puffed out at least two inches more all around her body, she smells like a brand new car and she sports an ear-to-ear smile because just being clean makes her happy as a clam.

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The sun may have been shining and Mamma may have just returned from the groomers but a new, Spring dress is really all a girl needs to feel like a million bucks. That’s what Spring is all about, encouraging all the peacocks to come out from hibernating to show off their beautiful feathers—and in Mamma’s case, her fabulous Spring wardrobe. I simply can’t wait for you all to see Mamma’s Easter dress, just one more week people, one more week!

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Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Outdoor Life | 12 Comments

Bedside Mamma!

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Hey there peeps, it’s me, Mamma Biscuit . . . remember me? I know, it’s been way too long since we last updated our little cozy corner here on the web but I promise we have a legitimate reason for it. Mamma has been recovering from a really bad case of puppy bronchitis for the last several weeks—damn this never-ending Winter and her obsession with sticking her nose in the dirtiest corners of the street. Don’t be alarmed though because after a healthy dose of antibiotics, she’s doing phenomenally well. With that said, her days and nights have been spent mostly indoors and quite frankly, she’s feeling a little blue. To make matters worse, the entire month of March has turned out to be January’s wicked step-sister—which only made us stay indoors more. Mamma Biscuit is usually out prancing the fabulous streets of NYC once Spring has sprung but between her puppy bronchitis and the unseasonably cold weather, she’s been a home-body with a major case of cabin fever. So to brighten up our Biscuit Lady and make her feel good again, I decided to pull out something fashionable for her to wear. She wasn’t going anywhere but who doesn’t like to play dress-up once in a while to pick-up one’s spirits? A cute ensemble with a fierce brooch can make any lady feel like a million bucks.

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So here she is, our reclining beauty, dressed in a fabulous bouclé jacket with knitted collar paired with a vintage pearl-pin brooch in the shape of a heart. The moment I pulled out the jacket from her closet, her face lit up. OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit but she did sport an ear-to-ear smile once I pulled out the peanut butter treats! I picked up two of these hand-made bouclé jackets from the local doggy boutique in our neighborhood several weeks ago—doesn’t she look so chic?

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Do you know what else we did to brighten up her day as she napped on our bed? We installed an amazing light fixture overhead, that’s what we did. OK, maybe it didn’t brighten up her day as much as it simply brightened the room when we flipped the switch on but it sure made Tommy and I very happy, that’s for sure! We have been scouring everywhere for an Art Deco light fixture for the bedroom for several years now and when we came across this beauty, our jaws dropped.

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This beautiful Art Deco light fixture circa 1935 is made of milk-white ceramic with black deco motifs accenting the entire globe. It’s called a skyscraper fixture because it looks like an upside down Chrysler Building in my opinion. It’s stunning to look at and quite frankly, Mamma Biscuit sleeping on the bed below dressed in her chic outfit is simply picture-perfect!

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I find myself popping into our bedroom every 20-minutes just to gaze at it while listening to Lana Del Rey’s Young and Beautiful playing on the Victrola—and Mamma Biscuit passed out like a dead horse across my bedspread!

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Hopefully, as the weather gets warmer, Mamma Biscuit will be able to venture outdoors again so we can bring you some fabulous New York City moments!

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In the meantime, she’ll continue napping indoors!
Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Vintage | 2 Comments

Holiday Trim for the Ages!

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Time seems to be something I’m lacking these days. I just turned 37 last week (in gay years, I‘m considered a walking corpse) and the one thing I can reflect on in my life (besides how rich and wonderful Mamma Biscuit and Tommy make it) is just how little time I seem to have with each passing year! Responsibilities grow, social calendars fill-up, professional lives change, the aging process begins (ugh) but through it all, two things remain: Mamma Biscuit’s boundless love and the thrill of acquiring new, fabulous holiday ornaments. OK, I didn’t actually acquire the ornaments I’m about to share myself but rather they were birthday gifts from my better-half Tommy and Mamma Biscuit. If receiving a fierce new Vivienne Westwood jacket wasn’t enough (and believe me, it was totally enough) Tommy went ahead and gifted me these treasures I’m about to show you during my birthday dinner at Narcissa Restaurant at the Standard Hotel in the East Village last week that rendered me speechless. Actually, it rendered the people dining next to us speechless too although they almost set me on fire when they sat down at their table simply by knocking over the taper candle sitting on our table. Luckily, it was just a splash of wax on the table cloth but frightening none-of-the-less. So come take a look at how good I have been all year long!

Krampus, the beast-like creature from the folklore of Alpine countries thought to punish children during the Christmas season who had misbehaved is no stranger to Mamma Biscuit. We’ve covered all facets of this folklore before considering we’ve trimmed our spooky Halloween tree from year to year with a variety of devil-horned paper ornaments from this anti-Santa sector but this hand-blown glass Krampus just might be our very best yet.

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A red devil with gold glitter accents sits in a hot cauldron, simmering like a poisonous soup. When you turn this free-standing ornament around, you get a glimpse of his devil tail curling around the outside of the cast iron pot.

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The best detail of all would be the jack-o’-lantern popping out from the side of the cauldron giving this piece a nice Halloween touch. We can’t wait to hang this baby up on our Halloween tree for 2014.

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Next on our ornament tour is this hand-blown, curled ssssnake with gold glitter and blue and lavender scale details. This is one snake I wouldn’t want to come across on any given apple tree. Again, the perfect trim for our Halloween tree, that’s for sure. You should have seen how frightened our waitress was when she saw this ornament on our table as I was opening my gifts—priceless!

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When the Evil Queen in Snow White asks the Magic Mirror who now is the fairest one of all? The answer is Mamma Biscuit, obviously! Snow White may be a beautiful woman who has seven doting dwarfs to boot but Mamma Biscuit has her epic tongue and a wardrobe that any woman in her right mind would mortgage a house for. You should have seen how happy I was when I opened this Christopher Radko ornament of Mirror, Mirror.

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Contrary to popular belief, this is actually my first Radko piece and somehow, I feel like Cinderella finally getting her glass slipper. We’re in the process of putting this baby under insurance although I can only envision Mamma Biscuit knocking it off of our tree in one easy sweep. Come to think of it though, I may just put this on our Halloween tree because the concept of it all is just so evil, what do you think?

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Nothing makes any holiday trim complete with at least one Our Lady of Guadalupe ornament in the mix. We may not be catholic but we sure like to appropriate religious iconography as trim for any holiday and somehow, this one has Halloween written all over it! Hand-blown in Poland and beautifully detailed, this gem fits right in with the rest of our collection.

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And last but not least (I know, as if I deserved any of these gifts) we have a mid-century styrofoam and pipe cleaner figurine of a holiday caroler that can be used either as an ornament or a free standing figurine. I love that Tommy thought this little guy was blowing his nose with a red tissue paper. Meanwhile, I had to point out that what the figurine is holding in his hands is not a tissue paper but rather a creased Holiday song book.

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So that’s it folks. I thought I would share some of these wonderful ornaments with you all while Mamma Biscuit recovers from a mild case of puppy Bronchitis. No need to be alarmed, our Biscuit is on antibiotics and should be fully recovered within a week. The poor girl sounds like an old lady who’s been smoking cigarettes for the past 40 years whenever she barks. Spring can’t get here soon enough! OMG, today is actually the first day of Spring—would have been nice if the temperatures actually reflected that!

Enjoy

Posted in Holiday, Vintage | 8 Comments

Fraggle Pug!

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I’ve never been more excited to see grass and pavement in my entire life! To say that this Winter has been harsh is a total understatement because I feel like we’ve been caved into the Pug Palace for months now. Between the numerous snowpocalypse storms dumping record accumulations over our city and the polar vortex temperatures, our family has turned into the Berenstain bears (minus a sibling) hibernating for the season. Despite the fact that Mamma Biscuit could pass for a cub on any given day, the last thing I want to do is feel like a damn bear trapped in my home—especially since I’m not that hairy to begin with. So back to that glorious grass and pavement, you can only imagine how elated I was this past weekend when temperatures got high enough to melt the disgusting, black, urine-and-canine-feces infested snow revealing the ground beneath it! Finally, I could take Mamma Biscuit out for a proper walk around the block without feeling like her paws would fall off from all the rock salt every where. It’s also not cute when Mamma Biscuit throws her snout into a smelly pile of snow for 10 minutes working the only sense she has left. Now I’ve had some really great photo shoot ideas for Mamma Biscuit downtown in NYC but I have had to shelve them from one snow storm to the next. So the next best thing was to take our little gremlin out to Fort Tryon Park in our neighborhood during a 40-degree Sunday to give you all a much needed Mamma Biscuit fashion fix!

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Fraggle Rock has nothing on Mamma Biscuit sporting this super chic black faux fur/hair sweater with caramel detailing around the neckline and sleeves. It’s quite bizarre to see Mamma’s fur next to the faux fur/hair of this sweater. It’s as if she skinned a plushy to make this garment—and I’m sure the greater plushy community has some choice words for her. Can you just imagine Mamma Biscuit strolling down 5th Avenue wearing this chic sweater and coming a cross a bunch of activist stuffed animals armed with paint guns looking to make an example out of any pooch who dare have the audacity to be so cruel as to support the plushy “skin” garment business? I can just envision Mamma Biscuit running away from a pack of beanie babies ready to shred her sweater into a million little pieces. I tell Mamma Biscuit all the time, if you’re gonna wear such “skins” then stay far away from FAO Schwarz!

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That’s why Mamma gets all of her polyester “skins” off the black market—this way she doesn’t have to be harassed by teddy bears picketing the doggy boutiques on Madison Avenue and in SoHo. At any rate, Mamma has paired another fabulous circle-within-circle vintage brooch from her archives. The gold metal really highlights the caramel detailing of this sweater, don’t you think?

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So that’s it folks. Here’s to a quick fashion fix from your favorite toothless pug on the internet who’s been sleeping indoors for the past two months! It’s so hard to even think about Mamma’s Easter ensemble when the forecast calls for more snow on a weekly basis!

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Sigh. . . .

Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Vintage | 9 Comments