The wealthy debutante Joanna Stayton played by Goldie Hawn in Overboard has nothing on these luxurious photos of Mamma Biscuit sunbathing on her very own private yacht off the coast of rural Elk Cove, Oregon. Actually, our lovely beast was swaying back and forth under the gentle, rippling water of the bay at Provincetown but you get our drift. We took these photos of Mamma just as she was berating us for building her a doggy treat closet made of oak wood—who knew she wanted a frame made of cedar. She was so displeased with the end result and angry that it wasn’t fully stocked with treats that she shoved us both overboard along with our tools. It’s going to take more than a slip off this boat and a bad case of amnesia for Mamma Biscuit to forget about this remodeled closet of hers. Thank goodness our royal bitch of the sea had her personal assistant Andrew and a full staff working under her. As Andrew began fanning our queen in the heat with a giant palm tree branch, Mamma flapped her tongue about losing a pair of doggy booties somewhere between 89th and 69th streets and 5th avenue. So she dismissed him with a cold and direct “find them” before nodding off next to a martini glass and a diamond brooch.
Mamma Biscuit on the caviar served on her yacht:
“What is this GELATINOUS MUCK? Andrew, must I specify that you are to pack GOOD caviar and not this $1.99 FISH BAIT? Caviar should be round, and hard, and of adequate size. And it should burst in your mouth at precisely the right moment. Now throw THAT out”