Cashmere and Pearls may sound like the title of an unreleased track from the artist formerly known as Prince but Mamma Biscuit is serving it up here like the bougie Upper East Side bitch she sometimes portrays herself to be. Our little gremlin is giving us some serious glamour today to distract us all from the miserable shamrock holiday that will be taking over the island of Manhattan shortly. Now everyone that knows me well knows how miserable and vile I think St. Patrick’s Day is. The huge influx of suburbanites will be arriving shortly with their shamrock antennas and stickers all over their freckled faces while wearing awful cable knit sweaters and generally banding together in large groups to create a sea of dismal Kelly green on every side walk, obstructing pedestrians from being able to walk. This might be the appropriate time to confess that Mamma Biscuit looks terrible in green (unless it’s emerald green) as I suspect it looks terrible on everyone else except for Kyle Richards from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who wears every shade of green and seems to look fairly good in it all!
As I begrudgingly wait for the crowd of loud, obnoxious people who may or may not actually be Irish to begin their copious amounts of drinking Guinness followed by their ritual of harassing real New Yorkers just trying to get to and from work before ending their day on some street corner vomiting out all of their internal organs, I’ll just stare at these fabulous portraits of Mamma Biscuit, hoping that this vision of canine couture will make right everything that is so wrong about today!
I mean, you can’t wear a hunter green sweat shirt that reads, “kiss me, I’m Irish” and expect anyone to actually take you up on that offer when you’ve got stomach bile all over your lips after a 25-minute vomit session on the corner of 6th and 49th street. Think I’m just adding colorful text to articulate my disdain for this holiday, think again because I’m speaking from actual experience. I’ve worked in Midtown for almost 16 years and you really get to see the very worst of humanity having to endure that many St. Patrick’s Day parades! The only good thing about the parade this year is that finally, the Irish LGBTQ community will be allowed to march and show their visibility and it’s about fucking time. Here’s hoping they have more decorum than the usual who show up to this sordid affair!
At any rate, if you find yourself accosted by the drunk LEPER-cons shuffling from one McSorley’s pub to the next, just click your way to Mamma Biscuit’s little corner on the web and enjoy her impeccable style and panache!