Ahhh, Bethesda Terrace, what a beautifully iconic spot in Central Park overlooking the lake here in NYC! The two grand staircases and a lesser one that passes under Terrace Drive along with the Bethesda Fountain seemed like the perfect location for Mamma Biscuit to hash out one last Winter photoshoot before the warmer weather arrives! Oh who am I kidding? It was freaking cold out there this past Sunday and there are no signs of warmer weather on the horizon—even though the halls at the Pug Palace have been decked out with Easter decorations for weeks now! If we get anymore snow in New York City I think I’m gonna scream! I’m so over having to practically give Mamma Biscuit a bath after returning back inside from a simple walk! Now despite the frigid wind chills, many people still ventured out to Central Park looking to take long, aimless walks to whittle away their Sunday afternoon—Mamma Biscuit included! Actually, earlier in the morning, we got a phone call from the one and only Joan Rivers who just had to speak with the Lady of our home! Now I know what your thinking and quite honestly, we’re used to it—OUR GIRL IS A STAR so it’s not unusual to have some of Hollywood’s elite calling to speak with our pug! I must admit though, ever since Mamma Biscuit was featured on BuzzFeed as The Most Stylish Pug in America along with Company Magazine over in the UK asking the rhetorical question, Is This the Most Stylish Pug on Earth?, our phone has been ringing more than usual! It turns out that potty mouth Joan Rivers is looking for another bitch to add to the panel of bitches on her popular show, Fashion Police on E!—and she’s got Mamma on her radar! Why wouldn’t she? Our little gremlin has a closet full of canine couture that could give Rachel Zoe a run for her money and a brooch collection that would make even the late Nan Kempner
green with envy!

So after some heavy snorting and licking the phone receiver a few times, Joan agreed to meet Mamma in Central Park, right by the fountain so they could discuss her television opportunities on E! How apropos that the fountain was dry as a bone because both Mamma and Joan could use a little somethin’ somethin’ from any fountain of youth! Rising from Bethesda Terrace is Bethesda Fountain, with the famous Angel of the Waters statue atop. The statue references the Gospel of John, which describes an angel blessing the Pool of Bethesda and giving it healing powers—meanwhile, that pool was completely empty during our visit! UGHH, Winter—we really hate you!

The fountain commemorates the Croton water system which first brought fresh water to New York City in 1842! The angel carries a lily in her left hand—a symbol of the water’s purity which is very important to a city that had previously suffered from a devastating cholera epidemic before the system was established. The piece is the only statue that was commissioned for the Park. Created by Emma Stebbins, it also marked the first time a woman received a public art commission in New York City. PERFECT, a spot where female empowerment thrives—first with Emma Stebbins and now with Mamma Biscuit and Joan Rivers!

Anyway, as we waited for Skeletor Rivers to arrive by way of a walker or a gurney, we decided to take a few portraits of the Biscuit Lady in one of her new faux mink coats with silver sequin details! Now those of you who have visited Bethesda Terrace and Fountain before would know that the overall feeling of the architecture is Gothic in nature—so in that spirit, Mamma decided to showcase one of her most exciting brooches yet; a giant, black crystal chandelier!

As I placed Mamma down on one of the round, wooden benches with wrought iron posts alongside the mall outside of Elkan Naumburg Bandshell, you could hear the jingle-jangle of her jewelry from a mile away as she scoured the endless surface of seating for a morsel of something edible! After pulling out a small piece of glass and a flat cigarette butt with a lipstick stain from her mouth, Mamma struck a pose—or four in her warm, plushy frock giving us and every bystander a taste of old New York glamour! The crowd behind drew thick as people admired Mamma’s style and moxie—that’s when it struck me: this is exactly why Joan wants the beast on her show!

As we waited further, we had Mamma Biscuit take the stage of the Elkan Naumburg Bandshell along the Central Park Mall to give us her best American Idol moment!

From there we walked down that smaller staircase where we marveled at the amazing mustard-olive colored carved stone cappings with granite steps and landings, and herringbone paving of Roman brick laid on edge. The underpass has a few beautiful frescos on the wall and one incredible ceiling. The Minton encaustic tiles on the ceiling were removed in 1987, cleaned, restored, completed with additional new tiles and reinstalled in 2007.

Mamma Biscuit practically became one with the intricate stone work and Gothic vignettes alongside the the walls and end caps!

It took about an hour but Joan Rivers finally showed up with more make-up on her face than Ann Miller! She and Mamma Biscuit had a power discussion about possibly taking up a stint on Fashion Police on E!—and the prospects are lookin’ real good people!

In the meanwhile, Mamma and I are both wondering when we can put away the heavy coats and dresses and welcome in some more Spring-like weather and attire—hopefully soon!

Enjoy

Check in at the Plaza Hotel is at 1pm Miss Biscuit, shall we hold your luggage at the front desk while you wait for your penthouse suite?

Ruff Ruff, I have one Louis Vuitton travel trunk full of doggy couture and a satchel full of soft chew treats. Guard them with your life! I’m heading out with my two daddies to prance around the hotel grounds so that I can have my photograph taken. I’ll be back in 30 minutes, capisce?

Yes Miss Biscuit. We have been anxiously waiting for your arrival!

Now Mamma Biscuit would normally demand entrance to her room immediately upon arriving at any hotel no matter what time it was. She would bark up a storm until someone at the front desk would give in completely and simply put the key card in her mouth just to get rid of her relentless ass! I guess old age has softened her demanding Diva ways because she’s agreed to wait and I’m totally shocked! It’s as if Joanna Staten played by Goldie Hawn in the movie Overboard has woken up from her amnesia and is suddenly more accommodating! Now Mamma’s got a full schedule ahead of her for the next couple of days so this penthouse suite better be up to par with her usual standards. Surprisingly, her list of demands are pretty reasonable: 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets lining her doggy bed, fresh cut orchids in every room, a cabinet filled with soft-chew treats and a couple of young, svelte, male pugs “on call” in case she wants “company” in the late hours of the night . . . oh and her cocaine dealer on speed-dial—because after a full day of upper crust activities with the NYC socialite elite, our Biscuit Lady likes to crash back at her hotel room with her friends Peter Gatien, Kate Moss, Edina Monsoon, Patsy Stone, Liza Minelli and a party bag of some
good China white!

Now about those upper crust activities Mamma has planned during the day, they include a few charity luncheons with Carole Radziwill from the Real Housewives of New York City (both will undoubtedly have a good laugh at how desperate the Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is to get her hands on a free Naeem Khan dress straight from the designer), two private fashion shows at their respective work studios (designers will remain a secret, sorry), a meeting with Rachel Zoe to discuss a possible styling gig for the upcoming Summer season and a dinner with Anna Wintour to discuss the current rise of fur used in fashion and how she could/should encourage and promote more compassionate treatment of animals regarding the fashion industry! Yeah, and you all thought Mamma Biscuit slept all day—hell-to-the-no! Our Biscuit is a hard-hitting player and practically runs this town!

So off went the bellhop dragging Mamma’s giant LV trunk that could make anything Mariah Carey would consider luggage look like a duffle bag and we headed outdoors to take a few photographs of our glamorous pooch!

Now onto our glamorous gremlin. Some may say that fur is making a come back, we say FUCK FUR! It does not connote wealth, luxury, style or high design. In fact, all it does is support a cruel industry of animal exploitation—sentient beings that are skinned alive to make full fur garments or accents to other garments! Real fur is stale, ugly and so OVER! No one in their right mind would want to wear a coat made out of Mamma Biscuit, why would anyone want one made out of mink, fox or raccoon? You want the same look, go faux! Mamma’s all about fake fur and fake fashion and in these photographs, she’s all about polyester, the “other” fabric of our lives! This grey fur-like dress/coat makes our little Biscuit Lady look more glamorous and wealthy than a typical Russian woman walking through Red Square in head-to-toe fur!

Totally fitting for a Plaza Hotel arrival, Mamma sauntered around the Grand Army Plaza wearing this faux fur-looking dress/coat paired with a vintage diamond circle brooch. If that wasn’t fabulous enough, this garment is quilted with muted silver sequin lines that add another level of sophistication! So eat your heart out SJP because you never looked this damn good in any episode of Sex and the City! OK, maybe Mamma’s frock doesn’t look that much like faux fur but I’m all for skinning teddy bears to make a garment than real animals, so cut me some slack here, OK! I just hope that last comment won’t get Mamma Biscuit in trouble with PETTB—People for the Ethical Treatment of Teddy Bears! Hey, you never know when a gang of plushies turn the corner and throw red paint all over your ensemble!

Pomona, atop the Pulitzer memorial fountain was dry as a bone but we did take a few regal photos of Mamma Biscuit in front of the golden equestrian statue of William Tecumseh Sherman designed by Augustus Saint-Gaudens. The statue features Sherman on a horse with “Victory” in front of him pointing the way forward. There is nothing more victorious to Mamma Biscuit than rocking a sophisticated, elegant, high fashion look that is 100% cruelty-free!

Those 30 minutes went by really fast because before we knew it, The Plaza was ready for Mamma to check in! After 5 years of living in this city, Mamma Biscuit has become such an NYC icon that she practically shares the same level of importance as the Empire State Building!

Our gremlin may be a ‘round the way girl from the dirty streets of Washington Heights at heart but she sure knows how to clean up and hang with the 1%!

Enjoy!