Cowboy Up!


It’s official, our holiday seasons from this point on at the Pug Palace will be whole lot gayer now that I have acquired my very first Diamonds of the Sea Merman ornament.


These hard bodied muscle stud merman of all varieties have been floating in and out of my life throughout the years while hunting seasonal items and several weeks ago, my dream came true when my friend Chris gifted me one from his travels to Georgia. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I’m a huge cowboy fanatic (I’m a regular Imelda Marcos when it comes to collecting cowboy boots) so it was only fitting that Chris snatched up the last “Clint” merman ornament known in existence! I say that because I make it a point to check out every gay book store in every town I visit (these ornaments are sold all year long) and have never once come across the legendary Clint ornament. I’ve seen photos of him online (he was part of the 2006 collection) and I always make a point of asking about him in the stores but I get the same response from all the sales clerks, “OH, Clint, that cowboy flew off the shelves years ago.” So Chris, if you’re reading this right now, thank you for lassoing what might be the last Clint merman on earth for me, I owe you big time.


There is so much glitter on this cowboy you would think that good ol’ Clint spent the first part of his life hanging on Mariah Carey’s Christmas tree!


In keeping with the western spirit (and talking about gay book stores in general) my new Clint merman ornament would look extra hunky and sexy next to my red bandana balls that I picked up at the “Going Out of Business” sale at the Rainbows and Triangles store here in NYC several months ago.


I was shocked when I stumbled upon a completely ransacked Rainbows and Triangles but somehow, I managed to find a set of three bandana Christmas balls at 80% off and Mamma Biscuit wagged her tongue (and curly tail) giving me her approval!


So that’s it folks, a little Christmas for you in the month of May. Only two more months and we’ll be celebrating Christmas in July on QVC. Quite frankly, I’m already yearning for the fiber optic/flameless seasonal wares that only a Home Shopping Network could provide—my void will be filled soon enough!


Posted in Holiday, Vintage | 8 Comments

Secret Garden!


In my secret garden, I’m looking for the perfect flower
Waiting for my finest hour
In my secret garden, I still believe after all
I still believe and I fall
You plant the seed and I’ll watch it grow
I wonder when I’ll start to show
I wonder if I’ll ever know
Where my place is
Where my face is
I know it’s in here somewhere
I just wish I knew the color of my hair
I know the answer’s hiding somewhere
In my secret garden, there’s

A petal that isn’t torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn


OK, enough of my Madonna/Erotica flashback and onto this post of Mamma Biscuit acting all cute and fury in her secret garden—which is basically my mother’s backyard! My mom had us over for an after-Easter-dinner at her house on Sunday and while she was busy preparing her famous fettuccine in artichoke sauce, Tommy and I went outside to snap a few photos of our little gremlin on one of the many stone benches littering their garden. See, that’s what happens when you grow up in an Italian family, your yard looks like a villa filled with religious statues, makeshift fountains, mini lakes and bushes that look like they have been sculpted by Edward Scissorhands himself! I have vivid memories of my father doing yard work and generally gardening in a three-piece suit—and believe me, that was a sight in our neighborhood that was and still is predominantly Jewish with the occasional Japanese family brought over by their respective companies to live and work for a year or two!


At any rate, I’m concerned about Mamma Biscuit’s weight. I remember when this pink sweater was loose on her and now, it’s as snug as a glove. I’m also concerned that we’ll never see Spring or Summer judging by how cold it has been. Even with the sun out on Sunday, the wind made our outdoor photoshoot a brisk one to say the least. But back to Mamma, doesn’t she look absolutely adorable here? The pink sweater, the pearl-pin heart pendant, her pink tongue and moist snout are all enough reasons alone for the weight gain. I seriously need to scale back on the amount of peanut butter treats I giver but how can I when she looks up at me with those watery marble eyes and jaunty head tilt. I swear, sometimes this dog seduces me with her eyes. There are moments when she looks at me in such a way that I almost feel compelled to buy her drink and ask her out on a date!


Anyway, we hope you enjoy this little Mamma Biscuit vignette from our weekend out in the suburbs. Mamma sure loves visiting Nana’s house because like me, my mother caves in and will give her a treat anytime she’s looking for one. Maybe my mother is to blame for the sudden weight gain . . . sigh, all mothers are to blame for their children’s weight gain, especially the Italian kind who really know how to cook!



Posted in Fashion, Outdoor Life | 12 Comments

Some Bunny Loves You!


No matter how hard I try and convince myself or others that the Easter bunny is cute, the truth is, he’s not. Don’t fight this people, just accept the fact that the Easter bunny is one creepy-borderline-insane-looking holiday character brought to life every year in malls across the United States. No matter where you are geographically, the Easter bunny costumes are just rendered to provoke horror rather than joy! Every year I have visions of an adorable, fury cadbury bunny hopping around the hills of a park hiding beautifully painted Easter eggs for all the little boys and girls to find while wearing seersucker suits and pastel dresses. You know, a Martha Stewart Easter vignette that makes you want to rewatch the ending of Steel Magnolias over and over again. I mean, that’s the way Easter should be, right? Unfortunately, the harsh reality sets in and my illusions are instantly pulverized when I find myself stumbling upon a grown man with prison tattoos wearing an Easter bunny suit taking a cigarette break and generally snarling at anyone who dares to gaze in his direction longer than five seconds while walking through a mall, a department store or a nursery. “Get lost kid, I’m on a cigarette break” is what he’ll say to some snott-nosed kid right before taking a swig of rubbing alcohol mixed with whiskey from a flask neatly hidden between the folds of his fury white pants! OK, maybe that’s the John Waters in me speaking but seriously, I have yet to encounter an Easter bunny costume that actually looks cute, have you?


Anyway, I thought it would be a great idea to bring Mamma Biscuit in for some awkward portraits with a creepy Easter bunny to celebrate the betrayal, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In fact, I kept repeating, “he died for your sins, the Easter bunny died for your sins” to Mamma as she sat timidly on his lap while taking these photographs! She didn’t care nor did she have enough courage to actually look up at the Easter bunny’s morphine-addicted eyes and pedophile-style grin. She focused primarily on the soft chew peanut butter treats dangling in front of the lens of my camera and once again, I got my shots! Want to know where this Easter bunny resides? That would be The Dees’ Nursery & Florist out in Oceanside, Long Island. These are the same folks we visit every year on Black Friday for portraits of Mamma Biscuit with Santa Claus. You all should have seen how excited I was when I learned that the Easter bunny was available at Dees’ to make children all across Long Island scream from pure horror! It just tickles me to know that there are parents out there that want to traumatize their children as much as I did Mamma Biscuit for these Easter portraits!


Mamma Biscuit was wearing her fabulous new Easter frock for our visit with the Easter bunny. A wallpaper of pink, orange and yellow flowers on this ruffled dress paired with giant pearls all conspired to make Mamma Biscuit the fashion plate at Dees’. In fact, Mamma plans on wearing this same exact dress during the Last Supper and she intends on tipping Jesus off on whom will betray him—and that would be a haggard and slightly overweight Lady Gaga singing Judas at the far side of the table.


Mamma of course will be sitting right beside our Savior and Madonna (no, not his mother, the other one who insist on thrusting her vagina in our faces while singing Like a Virgin) along with Mary Magdalene (another slut) and St. John—cough, cough, that would be me! Here are some portraits we took of Mamma Biscuit in her fabulous Spring frock outside after our meet-and-greet with Mr. Easter bunny.


Now onto the most important aspect of the Easter holiday, Mamma’s annual Easter tree! You’ve been waiting all year for this and the time has finally come. Mamma’s tree stands in our living room corner in all of its Easter glory bringing us a much needed Springtime cheer in the never-ending Winter we’ve been having.


Created with several bushels of pussy willows, aquamarine colored eggs piled at the bottom of the vase for aesthetic support and trimmed with vintage hand cut paper ornaments, cracked eggs, glass birds and paper carrots—this display is one giant Easter extravaganza!


I’m always amazed at how good Mamma Biscuit is about not bumping into any display we put up in the home with her stout frame—Christmas must have taught her a thing or two about maneuvering around home decor within our living environment, that’s for sure!


The Pug Palace would not be complete during any Holiday without some cute and adorable vintage pieces scattered about!


So that’s it folks. The Biscuit family would like to wish you all a very Hoppy Easter. Hopefully, Spring will show up soon—at least two weeks before Autumn arrives!


Posted in Fashion, Holiday, Vintage | 10 Comments

A Twist of Lime . . . and Pineapple!


A sliver of Spring crept into our weekend here in NYC and Mamma Biscuit took the opportunity to prance around Fort Tryon Park on Saturday wearing one of her new Spring frocks. It’s been a long and exhaustive Winter to say the least and although we are not fully out of the woods yet, it was nice to have just one day where the sun was shining and a light jacket was all you needed to walk around outdoors in. So we suited our little gremlin up in her lime green sun dress, accessorized it with a fabulous pineapple brooch and hit the park for some quality outdoor Mamma time!


You all should have seen how happy (and sassy I might add) Mamma looked while strutting herself around the park. I think just being outdoors for longer than ten minutes was enough to make her the happiest little puglet alive. It also helped that she spent her Saturday morning at the beauty parlor getting groomed for the upcoming Easter holiday. Whenever she comes back from the doggy salon, her fur is puffed out at least two inches more all around her body, she smells like a brand new car and she sports an ear-to-ear smile because just being clean makes her happy as a clam.


The sun may have been shining and Mamma may have just returned from the groomers but a new, Spring dress is really all a girl needs to feel like a million bucks. That’s what Spring is all about, encouraging all the peacocks to come out from hibernating to show off their beautiful feathers—and in Mamma’s case, her fabulous Spring wardrobe. I simply can’t wait for you all to see Mamma’s Easter dress, just one more week people, one more week!



Posted in Fashion, Outdoor Life | 12 Comments

Bedside Mamma!


Hey there peeps, it’s me, Mamma Biscuit . . . remember me? I know, it’s been way too long since we last updated our little cozy corner here on the web but I promise we have a legitimate reason for it. Mamma has been recovering from a really bad case of puppy bronchitis for the last several weeks—damn this never-ending Winter and her obsession with sticking her nose in the dirtiest corners of the street. Don’t be alarmed though because after a healthy dose of antibiotics, she’s doing phenomenally well. With that said, her days and nights have been spent mostly indoors and quite frankly, she’s feeling a little blue. To make matters worse, the entire month of March has turned out to be January’s wicked step-sister—which only made us stay indoors more. Mamma Biscuit is usually out prancing the fabulous streets of NYC once Spring has sprung but between her puppy bronchitis and the unseasonably cold weather, she’s been a home-body with a major case of cabin fever. So to brighten up our Biscuit Lady and make her feel good again, I decided to pull out something fashionable for her to wear. She wasn’t going anywhere but who doesn’t like to play dress-up once in a while to pick-up one’s spirits? A cute ensemble with a fierce brooch can make any lady feel like a million bucks.


So here she is, our reclining beauty, dressed in a fabulous bouclé jacket with knitted collar paired with a vintage pearl-pin brooch in the shape of a heart. The moment I pulled out the jacket from her closet, her face lit up. OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit but she did sport an ear-to-ear smile once I pulled out the peanut butter treats! I picked up two of these hand-made bouclé jackets from the local doggy boutique in our neighborhood several weeks ago—doesn’t she look so chic?


Do you know what else we did to brighten up her day as she napped on our bed? We installed an amazing light fixture overhead, that’s what we did. OK, maybe it didn’t brighten up her day as much as it simply brightened the room when we flipped the switch on but it sure made Tommy and I very happy, that’s for sure! We have been scouring everywhere for an Art Deco light fixture for the bedroom for several years now and when we came across this beauty, our jaws dropped.


This beautiful Art Deco light fixture circa 1935 is made of milk-white ceramic with black deco motifs accenting the entire globe. It’s called a skyscraper fixture because it looks like an upside down Chrysler Building in my opinion. It’s stunning to look at and quite frankly, Mamma Biscuit sleeping on the bed below dressed in her chic outfit is simply picture-perfect!


I find myself popping into our bedroom every 20-minutes just to gaze at it while listening to Lana Del Rey’s Young and Beautiful playing on the Victrola—and Mamma Biscuit passed out like a dead horse across my bedspread!


Hopefully, as the weather gets warmer, Mamma Biscuit will be able to venture outdoors again so we can bring you some fabulous New York City moments!


In the meantime, she’ll continue napping indoors!

Posted in Fashion, Vintage | 6 Comments