A Bizarre Christmas in the Bronx!


I’m so glad that I made this Christmas post under the wire here because nothing would give me more pleasure than to ruin everyone’s New Years festivities by subjecting you all to the most bizarre Christmas display humanity has ever known! Our Holiday season would not be complete without Mamma Biscuit’s annual pilgrimage up North to the Boogie-Down Bronx to see the insane Christmas display at the Garabedian Household in Pelham Bay. Located on a small plot of land (painted entirely in Pepto Bismol pink) on Pelham Parkway North in the Baychester neighborhood of the Bronx sits this average, two-story home (inhabited by the most amazingly insane Armenian-American family) that comes alive with the biggest display of Christmas fuckery on the planet—all of which can be viewed from Thanksgiving until the Epiphany (6th) in January! That’s when we Italians celebrate the arrival of La Befana—our version of Santa Claus except she’s a damn witch who flies from home to home on her broomstick to deliver Italian cured meats and cheeses! Yeah, and you thought receiving a pair of socks when you were a kid was awful, thank goodness La Befana skipped your American household in early January! Anyway, my own personal history with this hidden treasure in the Bronx began when I was 15 years old and I was dragged there by a friend and his family. Stunned and amazed by what I saw, I obviously became hooked on the insanity and therefore made it a point to make this Holiday pilgrimage every single year after! Of course I dragged Tommy to see this display when we first began our relationship (never worrying that my love for this Christmas display would somehow be a turn-off) and now we’ve made it our very own tradition together along with Mamma Biscuit by our side! Speaking of Mamma Biscuit, you know you’ve got one special pug on your hands when the crowd of onlookers who have shown up to view this mess pay more attention to her rather than this insane display in the background!


Now what can I possibly say about a life-size, movable Nativity scene overlooking a hodgepodge of hypersexualized mannequins of celebrities like Cher, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Diana Ross and Michael Jackson? It’s as if Madame Tussauds Wax Museum purged an entire lot of celebrity wax figures that were deemed too sexual for the viewing public and somehow, the Garabedians got their bloated hands all over them with their own ideas for a Christmas display! Something tells me that Mary and Joseph are extremely unhappy with their room at this inn! Serves them right, they should have booked a room through Expedia.com. Surely they must have known how hard it is to book a good hotel during the Christmas season! Now they’ll have to suffer as Mary gives birth right next door to this Sodom and Gomorrah after-hours party—and I’m sure she’ll be calling the front desk with a plethora of noise complaints between her contractions!


Honestly, this whole display would leave even the most eccentric person you know horrified and as someone who knows a thing or two about decking the halls, that’s exactly how you would want your viewing public to react to your display. In fact, whenever I bring a new friend or two along with us during our visits, I make sure they take several shots of vodka, snort a line or two of cocaine and drop a few Ambien pills to take off the visual edge!


Umm, is that Paris Hilton playing the violin behind the King of Pop? Oh the insanity of it all!


What fascinates me most is just how boudoir the overall vibe is within this display. Male and female mannequins propositioning one another for sex decked out in faux Dior gowns and showcasing plunging necklines that only Heather B. from VH1’s Rock of Love with Bret Michaels would dare to wear. You know, just because you clasp a double-C logo brooch in diamonds to a gown does not make it Chanel. In fact, these dresses are more Bob Mackie than Chanel or Dior but I do applaud the Garabedians interpretation of high-fashion.


This massive Christmas display features more than 170 mannequins, 50 cherubs, 10 hooved animals—be it reindeer or horses—many celebrities, fairy tale characters like Cinderella, Mickey, Minnie and Donald Duck from Disney and one baby Jesus—all rotated for display throughout the years. I’m utterly sad and disappointed to report that yet again, I did not see one damn Madonna in this blasphemous mess! NOT ONE! The King of Pop seemed so lonely without that hag standing next to him in a Blond Ambition cone-bra corset—after all, she is the Crypt-keeper of Pop and she will not go quietly into her coffin! I guess they would rather feature other girls from the material world but if they decide last minute to put Lady Gaga in place of Liberace at the empty seat in front of the piano, I’ll scream louder than Mary giving birth without an epidural!


So what about this family, who are they? Well, the Garabedians have been working on this display since 1973, when matriarch Nelly Garabedian, a former seamstress, decided to “give back to the community” and started this visual assault on everyone’s good taste! Gary Garabedian (Nelly’s son), his father and his two sisters decided to carry on the tradition that started when Gary was just 7 years old. Can you believe it? Nelly started hoarding Christmas paraphernalia when Gary was 7—I envy these people! The theme that Nelly wanted for this display was to make it look like the movie stars were coming to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and boy have they succeeded in that—10 fold! In these tabloid times, I’m surprised there isn’t a Miley Cyrus mannequin twerking by the three wise men while rolling her tongue out like Mamma Biscuit waiting to receive a handful of peanut butter treats! I said it many times before and I’ll say it again, Miley stole Mamma Biscuit’s look and that bitch better find a new gimmick before I have our lawyers contact her!


Gary has gone on record to say, “Every free moment we have during the year we are working on this display, we learned how to make our own fiberglass and now create our own molds for the mannequins during the summer. Then we buff them, prime them, paint them and clothe them.” They do all of this and then store many of the figures at his brother’s house upstate during the off-season. Click here to watch a short snippet of Gary explaining a bit of the process while sporting a tight, Weird Al Yankovic hairstyle and giving us a major lisp! I love this man, he’s a hero in my book. I envy these Christmas over-achievers because honestly, they make my Christmas display at the pug palace seem like a low-budget Christmas at a Jehovah’s Witnesses’ household!


I don’t ever want to be caught complaining about how exhausted I am from the Holiday season in front of any Garabedian family member because their maintenance routine for this display makes me look like a Christmas chump by comparison! The male mannequins stay outside permanently during the holiday season, covered by large plastic bags when it rains or snows, but each evening at 5 p.m. the Garabedians haul out the female mannequins, which each weigh nearly 45 pounds. Then, when the crowd dies down, around 11 p.m., they bring the females back inside to store overnight so their gowns, furs and boas are not ruined by the weather. Yeah, now that’s commitment!


Anyway, Mamma Biscuit somehow garnished herself some attention in front of this massive display of moving dolls! The crowd loved her just as much as they loved looking at a set of religious statues looking down on a brothel of sexy mannequins—and that made our visit all the more memorable! To conclude this post, we implore you to watch Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” music video which was partly filmed right in front of the Garabedian house back in the day. If Mariah Carey has given this display her stamp of holiday approval, than you know it’s something to see for yourself!

Enjoy and Happy New Year!

Posted in Holiday, Just Because . . ., NYC Life, Oddities | 6 Comments

Merry Christmas at the Pug Palace, 2013!


The night before Christmas has finally arrived and all through our house, Mamma Biscuit has been stirring, running back and forth with anticipation and excitement as she waits for St. Nicholas to appear! Has our little gremlin been naughty or nice? Well that’s an easy question to answer: more naughty than nice! Yeah, you read that right. Perhaps Mamma’s stirring has more to do with her being nervous that Santa will leave her a bag of coal for all the barking she’s been up to lately. Our little pooch has been exhibiting Diva tendencies when it comes to treats and food and threatening that she will land on Santa’s naughty list if she didn’t stop never really did the trick! Well, the 25th of December is now upon us and I get the sense that Mamma might be worried. But does she really have anything to worry about? With a cute face like hers, an unbearable tongue and chic fashionable outfit paired with gorgeous jewels to boot, Santa will undoubtedly fall under her spell and forego leaving that bag of coal under our tree and replace it with a bag of peanut butter treats! See, this is why pugs rule the world, they understand how powerful their cuteness is and know how to use it to get what they want! In the meanwhile, I’ll let the Biscuit Lady continue to run back and forth to work out her excitement for the best holiday in the world–as long as she doesn’t head under our tree. Mamma’s curly tail has bumped into low hanging ornaments one too many times throughout the years and we cannot afford any accidents if you know what I mean! At any rate, while Mamma paces back and forth, let’s take a tour of our Christmas land here at the Pug Palace!

We begin our tour with Mamma’s Christmas balls. OK, you can stop chuckling now because that was not some kind of attempt at preadolescent toilet humor! Mamma really does have a collection of beautiful Christmas balls that stand alone in a gorgeous vignette on a side table in the hallway. See, with Mamma, you can throw a ball at her and she’ll just stare at you with blank eyes, roll her tongue and then turn on her paws and prance off from sheer boredom—but present our little glamour pug with a giant glass Christmas ball with a holiday scene in the middle and she’ll stand at attention as if you’ve got a peanut butter treat in your hand!


Here we have five distinct glass balls of various sizes displayed on mini cake stands made of ceramic alongside vintage glass ornaments of C9 Christmas lights in mercury glass and an 18” vintage pipe cleaner Christmas tree with silver tinsels from the early 50s. Just so you know, that vintage bottle of Chanel No. 5 and the other perfume bottle are on loan from Mamma’s private collection. When Mamma dabs a little Chanel No. 5 around her butterscotch ears, she can lure every dog within a 6-block radius to our front door—and that does not make Daddy happy one bit!


If there is one thing Mamma loves most during the Holiday season, it’s decking the halls, or in this case, our entry ways with boughs of holly—no wait, pine—fake pine that is, but gorgeous none-of-the-less. Here we have pine garland garnished with berries, fruit, retro holiday gift tags and glowing with old world flicker lights.


This year we’ve adorned this entryway with gold and silver foiled vintage ornaments that we picked up from an antique center along the route up to Provincetown in the Summer and mid century flocked ornaments made in occupied Japan! This entryway display is probably Mamma’s favorite considering it overlooks her toile doughnut bed. The flicker lights provide a nice amber glow of heat during those cold blustery nights when Mamma piles into her bed for one of her epic 7-hour naps as her Daddies sit right beside her on the sofa watching a 7-hour block of the Real Housewives of fill-in-the-city!


Christmas would not be complete without a menagerie of goodies and toys for all good little girls and boys. This year, instead of displaying our usual ensemble of Annalee dolls in Mamma’s workshop, we decided to take all of our beloved vintage pipe cleaner trees and flocked reindeer figurines along with Mamma’s Old World Christmas village and make one giant display upon entering our living room!


From glitter dusted, bottle-brush trees to plastic reindeer to paper houses perched upon frosty ceramic cake stands, to five marching band figurines made of paper and pipe cleaners, to a traditional Italian Christmas tree made from Murano glass, this display has it all!


We’ve even sprinkled mini diamonds all over the snow drape below the display to add just enough icy sparkle and bling—because Mamma Biscuit is all about the details!


From here we move to Mamma’s grand hallway entrance display made of pine garland adorned with a menagerie (hundreds) of vintage glass, foil and paper ornaments, all aglow with multi-colored C7 bulbs!


Don’t even ask me about my beautiful Art Deco lights that I usually use to light this display! The light bulbs have all burned out and I have been searching high and low for replacement light bulbs to no avail. I even called the company who made the lights and they were totally useless! This year I had to go out and buy a traditional set of glow bright Christmas lights in C7 and I have to say, the display looks just as beautiful. Entering or leaving Mamma’s main living room is always a spectacular experience with this display over head!


This is how the display looks with the lights on!


Last but not least, Mamma’s white, 6.5 foot pine Christmas tree furnished by Martha Stewart’s Holiday collection for Kmart—and it rotates! As the tree rotates, it shows off hundreds (literally) of hand blown glass ornaments (mostly made in eastern Europe) mixed in with flocked and plastic ornaments (mostly made in occupied Japan) alongside paper and fabric ornaments—and whole lot of other types of ornaments as well.


Having a tree that rotates has really given us more decorating space overall. You essentially decorate every side of the tree as if it were the front so there is no such thing as hiding your ugly ornaments in the back! Despite the fact that we have more decorating room this year, Mamma and family have really reached a point where we still need to upgrade to a taller pine—any excuse really to acquire more ornaments.


I will say this though, sitting on the sofa alongside Mamma Biscuit and gazing at the tree rotating in the corner for long periods of time while Holiday music softly plays off the record player has truly made my season merrier and brighter—until of course, when the curtain gets snagged onto a branch and starts to slowly wrap around the tree! Don’t laugh people, it’s happened several times this season and it’s frightening!


So that’s it folks, Mamma Biscuit’s Christmas home is your Christmas home! We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



Posted in Holiday, Vintage | 10 Comments

Mamma’s Christmas Metropolis, 2013!


You’ve been dreaming about this all year long. Visions of a bustling ceramic Christmas city peppered with bottle brush trees have been clogging up your holiday head-space for the past twelve months now and quite frankly, you can’t begin celebrating this season until Mamma Biscuit unveils her famous display! Well, the wait is finally over people because the moment has arrived. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks at the Pug Palace and there were a few discussions earlier on in the month about possibly not putting up the village because of time constraints but when Mamma Biscuit caught wind of such blasphemous talk, she wouldn’t stand for it! She also won’t stand for getting one treat at a time either—she demands at least six treats or else she’ll bark for more but I digress. Now I have no idea where I actually found the time or energy to continue this particular year with our tradition of erecting this Christmas Metropolis but I’m glad I did—and so is Mamma Biscuit. It gives her an opportunity to snack on some fallen snow from the white drape lining the perimeter of this massive display—and you all know how much pugs like to lick up unknown objects from the floor. At any rate, when most people think of Christmas, they think of the giant Christmas tree and skaters on the ice at Rockefeller Center, the windows at Bergdorf Goodman and the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall but we Biscuits know that you all yearn for something grand and truly magnificent—you all yearn for Mamma’s amazing Christmas Metropolis! So bundle up and let’s take a stroll through this festive city, shall we?


As you all know by now, this gigantic collection you see before you is 20 years in the making—and quite frankly, built into my Italian-American-love-for-Christmas DNA. While the average 15-year old was busy cultivating a budding social life and obsessively picking away at their acne-ridden face, I was busy obsessing over the Department 56 catalog with my parents—flushed with excitement as I agonized over which new building to add to what has now become this gigantic Holiday metropolis! Quite frankly, the fact that Mamma Biscuit is the heir to this Christmas extravaganza makes her the envy of all legitimate gold-digging wives worldwide! Since my teens, I have managed to collect more than 45 buildings and hundreds of accessories from both Department 56 and Lemax to create this wonderfully bustling Christmas-in-the-city extravaganza—and every year, it keeps growing! In fact, just this year, I have acquired an iconic New York City building from Department 56 that I simply cannot wait to unveil in our display for next year. Now I know you all are wondering where in the hell do I store all of these goodies and well, I have the most amazing mother in the world who not only houses my houses off season but encourages the madness! My mother-in-law is also responsible for contributing to this mess throughout the years that Tommy and I have been together so she’s just as much to blame for this insanity as anyone else.


Our 5th Avenue is the road furthest to the back where almost all of the Department 56 buildings are positioned. Mamma Biscuit lives, works, shops and plays on this very road! Corporate Business may be what prevails during the day on this strip where the Flat Iron Building proudly stands but at night, The Starlight Room at The Paramount Hotel is the place to be! This premier gay nightclub (marked by the rainbow flag conveniently made with a toothpick and some rainbow ribbon) is bustling with the hottest gay boys and the most chic and fashionable crowd in town. Of course Mamma Biscuit works the velvet rope at the front door at this establishment and let’s just say that she makes Steven Rubel from Studio 54 look like a ticket collector at a County Fair in comparison-so we’re warning you right now, you better put an effort into your look or your not getting in! Also, check out the new Hi De Ho Nightclub right by the train station—they’ve been pulling business away from The Starlight Lounge with their hip, pan-sexual crowd and live musical acts. As you can see, two bar backs have left their shift and headed to the roof top to horse around in the snow!


If your anxious about that dinner-date you planned with that guy with the faceless profile on eHarmony.com then either cancel and block his dumb ass or make a reservation for two at the Little Italy Ristorante at the beginning of the road—Mamma Biscuit highly recommends them. They make a great vegan eggplant parmesan, and as you can see, the head chef gets his fruits and veggies freshly delivered.


You could also head to Mamma’s Chinatown for some General Tso’s tofu and vegan fried rice and a couple of fortune cookies—that seems to be a typical first date in any given city!


If heavy Italian food that could anchor a boat or judgemental nightlife isn’t your speed, then come along and take a walk with Mamma Biscuit through her Central Park. There’s great live music and the park rules are so loose, you’ll be able to drink Bavarian-size steins out in the open without the threat of getting a ticket! Hustlers and Hookers are totes welcome to set up shop too—in Mamma’s city, she doesn’t discriminate against sex workers! Don’t worry though, that nun feeding the bird off to the side near the museum entrance has seen priests in her parish engage in far worse activity and won’t care if she overhears your desperate attempts at bargaining for a quickie in some back alley with a tranny lookin’ to make rent!


Check out the many nearby outdoor activities such as ice skating on the glass pond and the Annual Christmas Dog Show Pageant—in Mamma’s city, that pageant highlights rescue dogs only! You can also check out the Christmas Doggie Parade featuring Santa Paws himself on Madison Avenue. If you’re looking for bright lights alla Times Square then go stand in front of the train station with the homeless, the Central Church with the god-fearing folk or the firehouse with those calendar-worthy muscle studs—these buildings are fiber-optic and give off the illusion of digital screens!


Whatever your pleasure is, Mamma Biscuit is positive you can find it here in her Holiday Metropolis. Bustling and bursting at the seams with Holiday excitement, this urban Christmas display up in Mamma’s Pug Palace is just another reason why Christmas in New York City is a unique and wonderful experience!


Enjoy and remember, only 7 more days until the big day!

Posted in Holiday | 18 Comments

Holidays on Ice!


If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We’re gonna have a celebration
All across the world
In every nation
It’s time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together
To release the pressure
We need a holiday

Madonna’s song Holiday immediately came to mind when Tommy and I visited the spectacular holiday windows at Bergdorf Goodman last weekend. Why you ask? Because they gloriously depict a celebration of all celebrations! Now if you’re looking for high fantasy, dramatic surprises, extraordinary fashion, and captivating storytelling then make it an annual tradition to see these holiday window displays—they are the best New York City has to offer! I’m serious people, don’t even bother with Saks 5th Avenue, Lord & Taylor or Macy’s, those windows are not even at the same level as what Bergdorf Goodman puts together. Like last year, we made it a point to visit this true New York spectacle during late night/morning hours so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the unruly crowds and really bad daylight reflections that can ruin my photographs. Unfortunately, Mamma Biscuit did not come along with us for the visit (she was tucked in her bed so snuggly and tight) but she was definitely with us in spirit! The 2013 windows, entitled Holidays on Ice is an imaginative collection of time-honored holidays cast in frozen landscapes of ice and icicles. David Hoey, Senior Director of Visual Presentation and his team devote an entire year to the production of these annual holiday windows and this year, he explains that his windows, “give(s) equal billing to a year’s worth of holidays—not only the wintry ones. All of them will be icebound. Even the Fourth of July.” This isn’t the first time Hoey has celebrated classic American holidays; once their 58th street windows dedicated themselves to June’s Flag Day while in years past he’s turned Fifth Avenue into a Halloween extravaganza with his wonderfully spooky, high-fashion windows. Holidays on Ice showcases five large windows celebrating Arbor Day, the Fourth of July, April Fool’s Day, Valentine’s Day and Halloween, while the smaller windows continue in theme with Thanksgiving, Mardi Gras, New Year’s Eve and Groundhog Day. So come along on our digital tour here on Mamma’s little corner on the web—it just isn’t a proper Christmas unless you’ve seen these windows and Mamma strives to bring you all the very best her city has to offer!

The first window on our tour is the Arbor Day window!


In the spirit of planting and caring for trees, David Hoey and his team have envisioned a giant tortoise beside an Alexander McQueen-clad mannequin sitting on a really large, ceramic tree that could quit possibly be the largest piece of Lenox Chinaware I have ever seen in my entire life. Perched upon the icy branches are equally glazed ceramic birds of every variety in between icy, transparent leaves.


Our couture Arbor Day woman is holding a miniature version of the tree she is sitting on, ready to be planted in the icy ground with the aid of a ceramic garden shovel! The detailing of the icy roots of the giant tree glowing underground just adds another layer of wintry coldness to this Spring-time holiday!


From Arbor Day, we move into the dead of Summer with an icy interpretation of The Fourth of July.


Featuring a 13 by 12 foot authentic federalist building facade in ice, our patriotic heroine in front is clad in red, white and blue Rodarte and carrying her snare drum–ready for the parade. The two male soldiers flanked on either side of her are decked out in Thom Browne Men’s Collection.


The icy eagle perched upon a small ledge in the center of the building is quite impressive in size and is the perfect symbol for American patriotism! David and his team really did a great job of making such a Summer celebration icy, wintry and cold!


From patriotism we move straight into a holiday that encourages us all to play tricks on one another; April Fool’s Day.


The April Fool’s Day window is Bergdorf Goodman’s first upside-down window display. It stands in the center of the store’s five Fifth Avenue windows and features an ice-blue Oscar de la Renta gown that took an entire day alone to be pinned properly when inverted, plus another full day of fine-tuning. This window was by far one of my most favorites from Holidays on Ice and was highly reminiscent of last year’s ACT I: “Tuning Up” window from BG Follies of 2012. Tuning Up was inspired by the all-girl orchestra craze of the 1920s and was executed in a jaw-dropping aerial perspective of a stylish orchestra set upon an elaborate black and white checkered ballroom floor.


David and his team took April Fool’s Day to the next level by turning it completely upside down. The cloth of our April Fool’s Day gown along with every piece of jewelry drapes perfectly as if the scene were positioned right side up. What I love most is how the icicles that normally dangle from the top of each window suddenly become spike-like and quite dangerous looking when turned upside down.


An icebound Art Deco iron gate opens onto a formal garden party of frosty, giant animals that really give this scene so much drama and makes this particular window the most ambitious I have ever seen!


The last three windows seemed fairly minimalistic compared to all five major windows from last year’s BG Follies of 2012 so when I came across the next window highlighting Valentine’s Day, I almost screamed with pure delight.


I’m all about maximilism and David’s icy interpretation of Valentine’s Day did not disappoint. 200 cakes, 300 cookies and approximately 500 pieces of candy along with a backdrop of about a million pink flowers and furniture made of ice set the scene for this couture-cavernous boudoir!


An incredibly beautiful icicle-laden crystal chandelier hangs over a lavish, pink confectionery buffet beside a mannequin dressed in Giambattista Valli sitting with her feather quill at a writing desk made from ornately carved slabs of ice is the focal point of this scene.


She could be writing a love letter or feasting on all the candy and chocolate her gentlemen callers have sent her, but one thing is for sure, she looks pretty damn flawless! The execution of this window is pretty amazing considering the soft pink glow gives off the romantic glow of Valentine’s day while retaining that icy-cold feel of the rest of the windows!


Our next and final window pays homage to Mamma Biscuit’s second favorite holiday of the year: Halloween. It’s a dark midnight scene and a masquerade party in high Gothic style is the main event. A spider web studded with Swarovski crystals are on one side of the window and a towering 9-foot haunted mansion meticulously crafted to look like the Vanderbilt house (which once stood on the site of Bergdorf Goodman) takes center stage.


Within that mansion stands a Gothic mannequin wearing a black Naeem Khan dress. With a black manicure, she holds a black crow in one hand and shows off a black crystal spider bracelet on the wrist of her opposite hand. I have to be honest, I found this window to be fairly disappointing!


I get that they wanted to use dark blues and purples to convey the icy theme of the windows but how amazing would this window have been had they put a frozen pumpkin patch on the cobble stone street in front of the mansion? The color orange was sorely missing from Halloween and normally, I’m not hung up on being so literal but in this case, the window would have benefited from some orange the way Valentine’s Day benefited from the warm rose colors, pinks and reds. My other complaint is that this window was so damn difficult to photograph.


Close-ups were nearly impossible because of the severe lighting so I was only able to capture a decent full view and a few close-ups that don’t have so much glare.

The Fifth Avenue display is peppered with smaller shadowbox windows depicting several more holidays on a more intimate, but no less lavish, scale.

First we have Thanksgiving. Nothing screams Thanksgiving quite like a pair of diamond encrusted Valentino heels!


Second we have New Years Eve!


Third we have Ground Hog Day!


And fourth we have an icy interpretation of Mardi Gras!


The windows continue along 57th Street, 58th Street and across Fifth Avenue at Goodman’s Men’s Store. All windows will be on display until Monday, January 6, 2014.


Holidays on Ice 2013 may not have been overwhelmingly over the top like last years’ windows, BG Follies of 2012 but the level of sophistication, overall style and unique storytelling that David Hoey and his entire team at Bergdorf come up with year after year is always stellar in my book. These windows are the best of the best that any department store has to offer worldwide—and they are one of the many reasons why Mamma Biscuit and the Biscuit family are proud to be New Yorkers!

The season has just begun bitches—more to come from M.B.


Posted in Fashion, Holiday, NYC Life | 12 Comments

North Pole Mamma!


The most wonderful time of the year has officially arrived and Mamma Biscuit has made her annual visit up to the North Pole to add her personal touches to Santa’s list before he checks it twice to see who’s naughty or nice! Actually, it really wasn’t the North Pole Mamma visited but rather Dees’ Nursery out on Long Island but it’s all the same to her. Mamma was sure to give Santa many pug kisses while looking extra cute to make up for her Diva behavior lately—all in hopes of getting her name on Santa’s VIP list! She’s got her eye on a yacht, and really, that’s not a lot. Problem is, she’s been barking on the spot for peanut butter treats when the mood strikes her and of course, I cave into her every wish when she twinkles her marble eyes in my direction between pug growls and gremlin barks. Sometimes she stares at me so flirtatiously that I almost feel compelled to buy her a drink! I keep threatening her that if she continues to bark, she’ll recieve a bag of coal for Christmas but that doesn’t make her demanding ways subside! What can I say, our gremlin runs our lives and yet secretly, we love every minute of it! Now the moment we stepped foot in Dees’ the place literally shut down. It was like Mamma Biscuit mania in there. I haven’t seen that many screaming people since The Beatles landed in our country during the British Pop invasion! Everyone from all departments migrated to Santa’s workshop in the rear of the store for some personal time with our infamous pug! They must have turned the sign around to read, “Sorry, we’re temporary closed, MAMMA BISCUIT IS IN THE HOUSE” on the front door because business seriously came to a screeching halt!


So there she was, in Santa’s loving embrace dressed in a luxurious, ivory, faux fur coat paired with a black crystal chandelier brooch as she barked her list of wants in his ear in between a few tongue rolls, some wet kisses and a couple of pug snorts! Mamma Biscuit is such a pro when it comes to luring Santa into giving her the green light on a huge list and this year, her list is beyond ridiculous! It started with an all-expense paid trip to Paris, France, a meet-and-greet with the Crypt Keeper of Pop, Madonna, the deed to a platinum mine and ended with a stocking full of diamonds and a Black American Express card with an unlimited credit line! In other words, our little bitch has turned into a very big bitch!


Oh what the hell, she’s had a horrible past in the puppy mill, she deserves it all. So when Mamma wasn’t looking, I quickly stuffed a hundred dollar bill in Santa’s pocket to seal the deal—hey, I’m Italian, I couldn’t help myself! When the lady of my house wants something, I make sure she gets it!


It was only fitting that the next in line to see Santa was a parrot and his owner. Santa was not amused when the parrot simply repeated Mamma Biscuit’s list back to him—verbatim!


If there is one thing we love to do during the holiday season (besides scouring the streets looking for badly decorated homes) it’s hitting the local nurseries to check out their holiday wares—and boy were they a-plenty here at Dees’. So after our photoshoot with Santa and catching up with the store owners and workers, business resumed as usual as Tommy and I roamed around with Mamma Biscuit in our arms—taking in the Christmas scenery!


Everything was going smoothly until we ran into this Jerseyliscious inspired Christmas tree. Nothing nauseates me more than leopard/zebra print on anything (clothing or housewares) so to appropriate that aesthetic on Christmas decor is just blasphemous in my opinion!


In case you’re wondering, that giant, stuffed leg protruding from the tree is an actual ornament. At first glance I thought it had something to do with the Leg Lamp from a Christmas Story but it doesn’t. I guess this is what the Seasonal Industry would call a “fashion tree” . . . and obviously, Mamma Biscuit hated it!

We then passed by a giant display of The Elf on a Shelf—a product that I had never heard of until the day before, on Thanksgiving, when Tommy’s cousins were talking about it. Apparently, parents having been using this toy as a tactic to keep their kids well behaved before Christmas for several years now because I had no idea this Elf even existed.


Here’s how it works, the children cannot touch the Elf, they can only name it. The Elf is placed on a shelf and watches over the children every day. At night, he returns to the North Pole to report on all of the shenanigan’s the children have gotten themselves into during the day and then reappears the next morning positioned somewhere else in the house. Some children get into it and spring out of bed every morning, running around the house to see where the Elf is stationed for the day and other children are so deathly afraid of the Elf that they set the whole house on fire, ensuring a scorching death for the Elf. In my opinion, I’m with Anna at Doorsixteen regarding this matter, we would rather position a Chucky doll on a shelf as a form of intimidation—just because!


After we selected a few ornaments for our tree and some replacement C7 light bulbs, we said our farewell to Santa and told him that Mamma would leave a tray of Tommy’s Sweet Semosh cookies and a glass of almond milk waiting for him on Christmas Eve—the night he’s due to break into the Pug Palace via the window off our fire escape to deliver Mamma’s gifts. We then made our way back to NYC and spent the rest of the weekend putting the finishing touches on our very own Christmas Land in Mamma’s crib. So that’s it folks, Mamma and family have officially cut the ribbon on the Christmas season and with six fewer days of shopping and preparing, you better move fast—real fast!


Only 19 days left, get crackin’ people!


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