Holiday Trim for the Ages!


Time seems to be something I’m lacking these days. I just turned 37 last week (in gay years, I‘m considered a walking corpse) and the one thing I can reflect on in my life (besides how rich and wonderful Mamma Biscuit and Tommy make it) is just how little time I seem to have with each passing year! Responsibilities grow, social calendars fill-up, professional lives change, the aging process begins (ugh) but through it all, two things remain: Mamma Biscuit’s boundless love and the thrill of acquiring new, fabulous holiday ornaments. OK, I didn’t actually acquire the ornaments I’m about to share myself but rather they were birthday gifts from my better-half Tommy and Mamma Biscuit. If receiving a fierce new Vivienne Westwood jacket wasn’t enough (and believe me, it was totally enough) Tommy went ahead and gifted me these treasures I’m about to show you during my birthday dinner at Narcissa Restaurant at the Standard Hotel in the East Village last week that rendered me speechless. Actually, it rendered the people dining next to us speechless too although they almost set me on fire when they sat down at their table simply by knocking over the taper candle sitting on our table. Luckily, it was just a splash of wax on the table cloth but frightening none-of-the-less. So come take a look at how good I have been all year long!

Krampus, the beast-like creature from the folklore of Alpine countries thought to punish children during the Christmas season who had misbehaved is no stranger to Mamma Biscuit. We’ve covered all facets of this folklore before considering we’ve trimmed our spooky Halloween tree from year to year with a variety of devil-horned paper ornaments from this anti-Santa sector but this hand-blown glass Krampus just might be our very best yet.


A red devil with gold glitter accents sits in a hot cauldron, simmering like a poisonous soup. When you turn this free-standing ornament around, you get a glimpse of his devil tail curling around the outside of the cast iron pot.


The best detail of all would be the jack-o’-lantern popping out from the side of the cauldron giving this piece a nice Halloween touch. We can’t wait to hang this baby up on our Halloween tree for 2014.


Next on our ornament tour is this hand-blown, curled ssssnake with gold glitter and blue and lavender scale details. This is one snake I wouldn’t want to come across on any given apple tree. Again, the perfect trim for our Halloween tree, that’s for sure. You should have seen how frightened our waitress was when she saw this ornament on our table as I was opening my gifts—priceless!


When the Evil Queen in Snow White asks the Magic Mirror who now is the fairest one of all? The answer is Mamma Biscuit, obviously! Snow White may be a beautiful woman who has seven doting dwarfs to boot but Mamma Biscuit has her epic tongue and a wardrobe that any woman in her right mind would mortgage a house for. You should have seen how happy I was when I opened this Christopher Radko ornament of Mirror, Mirror.


Contrary to popular belief, this is actually my first Radko piece and somehow, I feel like Cinderella finally getting her glass slipper. We’re in the process of putting this baby under insurance although I can only envision Mamma Biscuit knocking it off of our tree in one easy sweep. Come to think of it though, I may just put this on our Halloween tree because the concept of it all is just so evil, what do you think?


Nothing makes any holiday trim complete with at least one Our Lady of Guadalupe ornament in the mix. We may not be catholic but we sure like to appropriate religious iconography as trim for any holiday and somehow, this one has Halloween written all over it! Hand-blown in Poland and beautifully detailed, this gem fits right in with the rest of our collection.


And last but not least (I know, as if I deserved any of these gifts) we have a mid-century styrofoam and pipe cleaner figurine of a holiday caroler that can be used either as an ornament or a free standing figurine. I love that Tommy thought this little guy was blowing his nose with a red tissue paper. Meanwhile, I had to point out that what the figurine is holding in his hands is not a tissue paper but rather a creased Holiday song book.


So that’s it folks. I thought I would share some of these wonderful ornaments with you all while Mamma Biscuit recovers from a mild case of puppy Bronchitis. No need to be alarmed, our Biscuit is on antibiotics and should be fully recovered within a week. The poor girl sounds like an old lady who’s been smoking cigarettes for the past 40 years whenever she barks. Spring can’t get here soon enough! OMG, today is actually the first day of Spring—would have been nice if the temperatures actually reflected that!


Posted in Holiday, Vintage | 8 Comments

Fraggle Pug!


I’ve never been more excited to see grass and pavement in my entire life! To say that this Winter has been harsh is a total understatement because I feel like we’ve been caved into the Pug Palace for months now. Between the numerous snowpocalypse storms dumping record accumulations over our city and the polar vortex temperatures, our family has turned into the Berenstain bears (minus a sibling) hibernating for the season. Despite the fact that Mamma Biscuit could pass for a cub on any given day, the last thing I want to do is feel like a damn bear trapped in my home—especially since I’m not that hairy to begin with. So back to that glorious grass and pavement, you can only imagine how elated I was this past weekend when temperatures got high enough to melt the disgusting, black, urine-and-canine-feces infested snow revealing the ground beneath it! Finally, I could take Mamma Biscuit out for a proper walk around the block without feeling like her paws would fall off from all the rock salt every where. It’s also not cute when Mamma Biscuit throws her snout into a smelly pile of snow for 10 minutes working the only sense she has left. Now I’ve had some really great photo shoot ideas for Mamma Biscuit downtown in NYC but I have had to shelve them from one snow storm to the next. So the next best thing was to take our little gremlin out to Fort Tryon Park in our neighborhood during a 40-degree Sunday to give you all a much needed Mamma Biscuit fashion fix!


Fraggle Rock has nothing on Mamma Biscuit sporting this super chic black faux fur/hair sweater with caramel detailing around the neckline and sleeves. It’s quite bizarre to see Mamma’s fur next to the faux fur/hair of this sweater. It’s as if she skinned a plushy to make this garment—and I’m sure the greater plushy community has some choice words for her. Can you just imagine Mamma Biscuit strolling down 5th Avenue wearing this chic sweater and coming a cross a bunch of activist stuffed animals armed with paint guns looking to make an example out of any pooch who dare have the audacity to be so cruel as to support the plushy “skin” garment business? I can just envision Mamma Biscuit running away from a pack of beanie babies ready to shred her sweater into a million little pieces. I tell Mamma Biscuit all the time, if you’re gonna wear such “skins” then stay far away from FAO Schwarz!


That’s why Mamma gets all of her polyester “skins” off the black market—this way she doesn’t have to be harassed by teddy bears picketing the doggy boutiques on Madison Avenue and in SoHo. At any rate, Mamma has paired another fabulous circle-within-circle vintage brooch from her archives. The gold metal really highlights the caramel detailing of this sweater, don’t you think?


So that’s it folks. Here’s to a quick fashion fix from your favorite toothless pug on the internet who’s been sleeping indoors for the past two months! It’s so hard to even think about Mamma’s Easter ensemble when the forecast calls for more snow on a weekly basis!


Sigh. . . .


Posted in Fashion, Vintage | 9 Comments Turns 3!


Time flies when you’re having fun and Mamma Biscuit sure knows how to have fun! It seems like just yesterday our little puggie burst onto the blogosphere with her little-engine-that-could blog and since then, she has grown a legion of die-hard fans from all around the globe that check in weekly to see what our gremlin is up to! It’s been three glorious years of entertaining you all with Mamma’s glamorous life with her two Daddies here in NYC and I feel like we’ve just begun. Mamma has had many epic fashionable moments strolling through the bustling streets of NYC as well as the more casual nap-time moments lounging around the Pug Palace—and we loved sharing them both equally! So here we are, three years into documenting Mamma’s life for the whole world to see and I’m still amazed that I’ve been able to keep up with the task. When we started this blog, I thought I would just post a couple of photos of Mamma and never log back on thinking it would conflict with my extensive reality-TV-watching-schedule! Don’t give me the side-eye people, I blame Andy Cohen for the line-up on Bravo along with the Logo Channel for creating RuPaul’s Drag Race—my entire life revolves around such programming and I’m comfortable in my own skin to admit it! Anyway, the real reason why we press on here is because Mamma Biscuit has made our lives so fulfilling, and that sharing her with you all has just been a natural extension of our experience having her as a pet. It also helps to receive such amazing feedback and encouragement from you all—our beloved readers. You guys make the experience of caring for Mamma Biscuit and sharing her story all the more pleasurable! It’s good to know that there are crazy people out there that encourage our shenanigans—after all, Mamma’s a showgirl and a showgirl needs her fans! Oh god, I think Madonna might have said that very same line during her speech when she won the Top Touring Artist Award at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards. I know, it always goes back to the crypt keeper of pop no matter what I may be talking about!

Now on our very first anniversary, we paid homage (with much humor) to the words people typed into their search engines that mistakenly brought them to this blog. To this day, it still amazes me to see how people stumble onto our blog from a simple key word or phrase that has nothing to do with pugs or pets. Although we’ve grown a huge following of people, we continue to grow unique visitors that simply stumble onto our blog while searching for porn—such is life on the internet! Our second year anniversary was all about paying homage to social media sites like Pinterest and all of their members who have fallen in love with our gremlin and have spread the word far and wide about her story and this blog. We can’t thank you enough! It just tickles me silly to type Mamma Biscuit’s name in the search engine on Pinterest and have a complete wallpaper of our images come up from members from around the world. It’s a visual masterpiece to say the least! Now to celebrate our third anniversary of Mamma’s blog, I thought it would be great to highlight fifteen of her most memorable moments in 2013. You all love a good stroll down memory lane, don’t you? GREAT, so come along as we revisit some pretty fucking fantastic moments in the life of Mamma Biscuit in 2013!

For a lip-smacking good time, call on Mamma Biscuit to prance on over to Central Park in September—she’ll show up in a bold-colored knit with a pop art brooch in the shape of lips! Mamma’s artpop can mean anything . . . and quite frankly, any ensemble our pooch puts together is far better than anything Lady Gaga can steal and appropriate as her own!


Who said publishing is a dying industry? Not in Mamma’s world! Intellectual, fashionable and adorable . . . now where can you find an outfitted pug like that?


A safari on the Cape! Mamma sure knows how to turn heads on Commercial Street in Provincetown with this chocolate brown giraffe print frock with blue trim detailing. All in a Summer’s day!


The Plaza Hotel never looked this glamorous! Mamma Biscuit should never have to wait for a bell hop to bring in her Louis Vuitton luggage—especially in this faux-fur coat paired with a diamond brooch straight out of Nan Kempner’s archives!


She was the bitch of the breed at the puppy mill, but now, she’s just the bitch of our hood! Don’t cross her unless your lookin’ to get your weave snatched right off your head!


Jimmy Webb at Trash & Vaudeville holding Mamma Biscuit in a punk dress on St. Mark’s Place is as “Old New York” as it will ever get!


Put some south in your mouth! Mamma Biscuit holding court at Forsyth Park in Savannah, Georgia! How can any gentleman caller resist this Southern peach?


Meet Mamma Biscuit at Bethesda Fountain in Central Park and she’ll show up in Gothic glamour that will leave you gagging!


Accessories, accessories, accessories! A good vintage brooch is hard to find!


Mamma Biscuit as Vivienne Westwood is pure pug-punk-perfection!


Vintage pearls draped on a vintage pug is pure old Hollywood glamour!


There’s no famine of high fashion with Mamma Biscuit in this hot pink trench coat!


Our funny Valentine is so chic in bouclé and pearls!


Lana Del Rey may have Summertime Sadness but Mamma Biscuit is always happy as a clam in her Summertime florals!


And last but not least, Mamma Biscuit serving up early 80’s-East-Village-realness in a Blondie-inspired jersey dress with vintage buttons!


We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our fans out there for your fanatical love and adoration of Mamma Biscuit for the past 3 years! We intend on making this upcoming year our very best!

Happy 3rd Year Blog Anniversary to our favorite toothless pug on the internet!


Posted in Editor's Note, Fashion | 13 Comments

Our Sweet Valentine!


That romantic time of year has finally arrived and boy do I have a bad case of anxiety! Despite having experienced four Valentine’s Days with Mamma Biscuit, I’m still never fully prepared for the onslaught of greeting cards, bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolates that arrive by the truckload at the Pug Palace—all from dogs vying for Mamma’s love and attention. You see, I’m a possessive Italian Daddy who dotes over his little girl on the daily so the idea of another pug-gentleman caller (or any lesbian dogs for that matter) barking for her love makes me anxious and a little tough on her romantic admirers! Now if there’s any dog out there in the neighborhood that has eyes for my little girl, they better come barking for my permission first before making such a bold move as sending gifts with a romantic angle attached to them! We live in turbulent times (I watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, I know the deal) and Mamma needs her Daddy to screen her potential dates—even if she doesn’t know that I do such a thing. I know, I sound overbearing but it’s not easy being the parent of a female pug who seems to make every dog that passes her by during a typical walk want to hump her. It’s like she carries the curse of the puppy mill pheromone every where she goes, sending all breeds of dogs into a frenzy when she passes by! I know, it’s a dirty secret I’ve withheld from you all for a very long time and well, today, I thought I would reveal it. At least Mamma stopped trying to hop into any car on the side of the street that happened to have an open passenger door. I swear, I was convinced that she was once a streetwalker before arriving to our household!

At any rate, Mamma Biscuit spent the first half of the morning waiting by the window for her pug-gentlemen callers to arrive via the fire escape. I swear, if our little gremlin had long hair, she’d drop it down the window like Rapunzel and allow these dogs to come into our home for a cozy snuggle, a warm bath and a café Vienna! Now you see why Valentine’s Day gives me an anxiety attack? Mamma thinks she’s slick though, putting on her red knitted frock (a gift from grandma) with white polka dots and floral accent at the neckline but I know what’s truly going on.


A father knows when his daughter is getting dolled-up for someone outside the home but this year, I decided to be more of a modern Daddy and at least give her the illusion that she was gonna get away with it! A far cry from last year, when I took on the painstaking task of attaching a “return to sender” note to all of the flowers, candy and notes of love from all the male dogs in the neighborhood! Unfortunately, Mamma Biscuit demanded to see the mail this year so my hands were tied. Sigh, I’m slowly understanding that I can’t keep her locked up forever. I have to be realistic, in another ten or fifteen years, she may be ready to start a relationship with another dog. In the meanwhile, she’ll remain our Valentine’s and the only kisses she’ll get are from Tommy and I . . . but mostly from me!


After waiting and waiting (basically two minutes of staring at the bedroom window) our Biscuit Lady got tired and decided to drop down like a ton of bricks to take a nap!


So typical for her male suitors to be late and so typical of Mamma to pass out after exerting her attention for a couple of minutes but the moment she closed her marble eyes, I crept into the room and pulled the blinds down indicating that the Pug Palace was closed to all visitors!


I know, I’m such a jerk but It’s in my Italian-DNA as a parent to make sure Mamma remains “unavailable” in the neighborhood so if you have a problem with that, then you can go scratch!

After snapping these lovely Valentine’s Day portraits of Mamma (awake and asleep) we decided to deck the tree in our living room with vintage Valentine’s Day ornaments to make her Pug Palace feel more romantically festive!


There’s nothing I enjoy more than decorating Mamma’s home while she is sleeping and watching her react to the display once she’s awake! She gazes up at all of our holiday displays as if each ornament is an edible treat for her to enjoy. Once she realizes that the actual display will not interact with her, she’ll walk off into the kitchen and gaze at the cabinet containing her food and treats, waiting patiently for one of us to entertain her unsatisfied hunger!

Mamma’s Valentine’s Day Tree is chock full of vintage paper, glass, metal, fabric and flocked ornaments from our travels around many flea markets. Here are some highlights.


This year, I was able to resurrect some Christmas ornaments from my childhood that my mother gave me a year ago.


I had about ten or more of these gold gilded Roman pillars with white sparkly statues of Angels playing various instruments that I thought would look romantic on our tree. I’m so glad my mother didn’t simply give them to the Salvation Army because I found a permanent home for them on our tree!


The variety of ornaments on Mamma’s Valentine’s Day tree can fill any heart with warmth!


While I was hanging the ornaments, the Biscuit Lady woke up, jumped off the bed and came into the living room to fall asleep in her toile bed while watching me through her heavy eye lids.


The sound track on the stereo system was A Date With John Waters—a patchwork of dark, twisted, off-kilter love songs from the self-proclaimed master of bad taste! Tommy gifted me this signed copy for Valentine’s Day many years ago and we break it out every Valentine’s Day for a full listen!


Mamma Biscuit curled up so snuggly in her bed as all of the decorating took place and she didn’t wake up until one of her romantic suitors got smart and rang the buzzer to our apartment! I distracted her with a peanut butter treat and pretended that no one was at the door—again, I know, I’m such an overbearing Daddy!


Mamma Biscuit and family would like to officially wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day! Tommy and I will be spending the evening with our little pug, nestled between us, WHERE SHE BELONGS instead of gallivanting out on the town with some secret male pug lover—she’s just not ready to date in my opinion, maybe in ten years . . . MAYBE!


Posted in Fashion, Holiday, Vintage | 4 Comments

Throwback Thursday #9


I’ve never really been good at keeping up with daily, weekly or monthly routines outside of going to the gym or walking and feeding Mamma Biscuit. It’s probably the only reason why I simply cannot get crucial vitamins into my system—and I won’t even get into brushing my teeth because I might just lose half of our fan base if I do! At any rate, I just realized that I forgot to write up a Throwback Thursday post during the months of December and January and I’m feeling like Mamma Biscuit and I have let you all down tremendously! I know how much everyone loves taking a stroll down memory lane with our favorite toothless pug on the internet. We all want to reminisce on the fabulous moments of her life. Even better than that, to have the opportunity to see unpublished photographs taken straight from the M. B. Vault! That’s right folks, Mamma’s life is like a Disney flick. Her moments can be taken in or out of circulation from her vault and Throwback Thursday is the time to publish it all! So it’s Thursday and we’re making it a throwback, people!

For starters, this Winter has been miserable! If the temperatures aren’t below zero then Mother Nature is dumping snow on our city by the truck load. I think everyone living in New York City or Chicago would say Mother Nature is one big, angry BITCH this year! If it’s not snow, it’s ice and if it’s not ice, it’s wind that can make your face fall off with 5 seconds of exposure to the outdoor elements. I’m sure the Winter blues are settling in for anyone who’s living on the Eastern side of this country and the only way out of this slump/depression is to bring some high-fashion-Mamma-Biscuit-realness into your life. I know that when I’m personally depressed, scrolling through a few photos of Mamma Biscuit in a Chanel bouclé dress with black velvet trim and a set of giant Nan Kempner pearls around her neck can be more effective than downing a whole bottle of Prozac and chasing it all down with a tall glass of lukewarm vodka!

Now before we even go any further with this post, I would like to shed some light on something very important that is going on in the fashion world currently. As you all know by now, Kanye West has been hounding Anna Wintour like a heroin addict does a drug dealer about getting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue magazine. Now I know what you are all thinking and believe me, I agree! Why the fuck would Anna Wintour even entertain such a blasphemous idea? Kanye can run his mouth all he wants about Kim while simultaneously trying to convince everyone that he’s a musical genius but the truth of the matter is, Anna Wintour has already selected a far more suitable model for her February, 2014 issue—and her allure is not a big ass but rather a very long tongue! That’s right y’all, please help me congratulate our little gremlin for landing her first Vogue magazine cover—the canine issue!


While reliving these photographs in late January, I decided to send them off to Grace Coddington and Anna Wintour over at Condé Naste. The moment Anna laid her frog eyes on these photographs, she took all of her draft boards for the February cover and threw them in the trash! Within minutes, André Leon Talley rang our phone off the hook to let us know that Mamma had landed herself on the cover! Not only did she land the cover slot but she has a full 4-page editorial spread on the inside where she shares her secrets on how to be chic, sexy and timeless at any age!

The throwback photographs below are featured in the issue.


Kim Kuntrashian err I mean Kardashian can only dream about possessing one tenth of Mamma Biscuit’s style, grace and poise and despite the fact that I made this entire ridiculous tale up to entertain you all during this cold, miserable month of February, the truth is, Kim Kardashian is and will always be “off brand” with Vogue magazine and Mamma Biscuit and everyone outside of Kanye West and Kris Jenner knows it!


Enjoy and a happy return to Throwback Thursday!

Posted in Throwback Thursday | 8 Comments