Come on girls, do you believe in love? ‘cause Mamma’s got something to say about it, and it goes something like this! Don’t go for second best baby, put your pug to the test, you know, you know you’ve got to—and boy have we put Mamma Biscuit to the test. Our little Fawn Ambition may believe in love and female empowerment but I’m not sure she believes in a proper bra fitting! Can you even believe this cone-bra-corset Mamma is wearing? I know I can’t and I actually made it. In my opinion, Mamma’s cone-breasts can only be described as “torpedo tits”—and that’s putting it lightly! But don’t get it twisted people, like Madonna, Mamma Biscuit can work this corset better than any drag queen out on the NYC circuit looking to pay her rent—and in case you were wondering, I snapped my fingers after writing that line!
Now Mamma realizes how tremendous her chest looks but she decided last minute that she would rather go BIG than go home! It’s this kind of risk-taking that has made Mamma Biscuit the pug Icon she is today. Now about that pony tail of hers, IT’S FIERCE, I’m not going to lie, there’s no scandal or controversy there, just great braiding skills (thank you Pam A.K.A. Buffy for showing me how a simple braid is done.) That braided crown and the right amount of peroxide all conspire to complete Mamma’s Blond Ambition look before she heads out on stage!
So off we go this morning to the Annual Howl-o-ween Dog Parade and Costume Contest in the Sir William’s Dog Run located in Fort Tryon Park. Getting out the front door isn’t going to be easy though, it’s been a very difficult morning to say the least. Mamma Madonna has been bitching and barking up a storm because Tommy had filled her dressing room with several bouquets of hydrangeas (yes, I’m throwing him under the bus, we gays can be vicious at times) and I’ve personally had it out with Miss. M. about her act. I warned her that if she got on stage at the parade and simulated pug masturbation she would be disqualified, possibly arrested and the Biscuit Household would have to endure a major bout of public shame—especially from the Vatican! After she refused to compromise her artistic vision for the parade several times and scratching me on my leg for even suggesting it to begin with, I decided to bring out the big guns—a bag of soft-chew treats. Suddenly Mamma was willing to compromise on her act—take note Freddy DeMann, that’s how you handle the unruly talent!
So after several treats to appease our high-maintenance bitch, we gathered around for a pre show prayer circle. Mamma began her prayer by thanking Curly Tail Pug Rescue for giving her freedom to be as button-pushing and controversial as she wants to be. She thanked her entire crew behind mammabiscuit.com (that would just be me and Tommy really) for bringing her Material Girl antics to the masses. She went on to thank all of her fans from around the world—yes YOU, the readers of this blog. Without your unyielding love and support, none of this would be possible. And Finally, Mamma ended her prayer by cursing the day Lady Gaga arrived onto the pop music scene and for ripping off her entire career. Note to Mother Monster, it’s going to take a lot more than a catchy chorus and an Alexander McQueen ensemble stolen straight out of Björk’s closet to put this bitch in her coffin!
Wish us luck on a great show and Happy Halloween everyone!
Shall we go on a Holiday? Holiday, celebration, come together in every nation!