Hubcap City!

Taking Mamma Biscuit for her walks in this big, bad city can sometimes feel like a quick visit to the lost and found. Oh the things we’ve discovered along our way—and sometimes, quite literally, right beside Mamma as she relieves herself! It can all seem really odd at times. No joke, we’ve had our moments of pulling a full dime bag of marijuana out of Mamma’s mouth while walking through Fort Tryon Park (hey, they don’t call our neighborhood Washington Haze for nothing) or the time we stumbled upon a stoop full of totally wearable clothes in Brooklyn left for the taking—JACKPOT! We’ve run into thought-provoking vandalism spray-painted right on the sidewalk and we’ve even come across some money blowing past our four-legged beast like tumble weed in a John Wayne movie (don’t get too excited though, we’ve never been lucky enough to find more than a five dollar bill) however, during our walk last week (around the block from the Pug Palace) a speeding car driving swiftly passed us left behind a twirling Cadillac hubcap in the middle of the street—all while Mamma was squatting for a quick squirt of urine! If that wasn’t funny enough, the hubcap didn’t even belong to a true-to-form Cadillac but rather a dusty old Honda Civic with a motor that sounded like a loud and broken-down lawn mower!


Now maybe it had something to do with the particular sneakers I chose to wear during our walk because never in my life have I ever seen a hubcap fly off a car before. Honestly, I feel like Jeremy Scott for Adidas would not have wanted the experience of wearing his kicks any other way! I swear, whenever I slip these marshmallow sneakers on my feet, I feel like I should be break dancing to Grand Master Flash on the moon—but finding a hubcap while walking in them? never crossed my mind—although in retrospect, I could see how it makes sense! So I was totally excited as I waited for the Biscuit Lady to finish her business before running out in the street to retrieve the hubcap so that I can use it as a prop for this photoshoot!


So here is our little ghetto girl giving you all her best South Compton look alongside my Adidas sneakers and that damn Cadillac hubcap. Mamma Biscuit could very well pass as a leader of a thug pug street gang wearing her black with white skull and crossbones handkerchief while resting her lazy chin on that hubcap. All that is missing from these photos is a diamond encrusted pimp cup with “Jesus juice” filled to the brim—but I digress. Now let’s just call Mamma Biscuit Notorious P. U. G. from now on! Off the top of my head, P. U. G. would stand for Pugs United Globally! Now Mamma may not be the violent type as she runs her gang of thug pugs but she will rob you blind with her unbearable cuteness and her weapon of a tongue if you stop to pet her on the street. The last thing you want is to be left sitting on a cinder block with your pockets completely empty of food and money after a meet and greet with her out in the hood! I can’t be held responsible, pet her at your own risk!

OH, and totally off topic but equally important and very New York is the fact that I’m so obsessed with this new song from Azelia Banks entitled Fierce featuring sound clips from the movie, Paris is Burning—my most favorite documentary from 1990 highlighting the Harlem Ball Scene—all before Madonna appropriated the underground scene for her Vogue song and music video! I cannot wait to throw shade on the dance floor to this track—WERK!

Enjoy and Happy Wednesday!

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2 Responses to Hubcap City!

  1. bfish says:

    OMG — Mamma oh I mean the Notorious P.U.G., almost looks threatening in that first picture where she’s guarding her precious hubcap! This is one of your funniest posts ever. I am totally imagining that tongue as an intimidating weapon, terrorizing all creatures in your hood. You guys will be able to retire with all of the loot she collects.

    • The Biscuits says:

      LOL She’s very cagey about that hubcap, guarding it like it was her last shipment of contraband! I so love your idea of the Biscuits being able to retire with all of the loot she will collect! Don’t mess with Notorious P. U. G., unless you want get licked in the face!
      xox
      The Biscuits

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